Don’t Be Afraid of the Office Bully Monster

Don’t Be Afraid of the Office Bully Monster

Originally posted on JENNINGS WIRE

We are entering that cherished time of they year…

Halloween moving through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years is a time where office parties and progressively bad behavior seem to be overlooked underneath the haze of holiday cheer. There is nothing like spiked apple cider, rum cake and that mysterious red punch at the party to make colleague and supervisor overlook their better senses.

Employees who are new to their career might find this to be an invitation to join in the “reindeer games,” without considering the consequences when they sober up the next day.  Take a page from Lance, the new assistant director who got a bit comfortable with his boss at a party.

With the apple bob at lunch and spicy cider mixture that somehow got spiked, the office staff was at ease in an environment that was typically tense and rigid.  Lance was thrilled with the holiday cheer as his first year under his boss, Artie, was less than something to celebrate.  Lance noticed that the rest of the staff was at ease too, maybe this was the end to the yelling and manipulative behavior that had been the norm for his department.  Maybe Lance could finally relax.

Artie and Lance had a chance to chat over the apple cider.

Artie had let his hair down, discussed his own insecurities with upper management and with a buzz, confided in Lance about fears of losing respect at the top.  Lance felt comfortable and joined in, sharing his own insecurities with his low grade point average in college, feeling unaccomplished with his quest of grad school, and his lack luster relationship with on-again-off-again girlfriend.  For about 90 minutes, though induced by alcohol, they were civil human beings for a change.  As the office party came to an end, the staff took their last nibbles at cookies and caramel corn, then returned to a relatively productive afternoon on the job.  All seemed well.

The next day, Lance reported to work to find that things were “back to normal.”  No one made eye contact with each other.  There was a muffled tirade coming from Artie’s office. As Lance settled in, his cube mate remarked, “ the ogre is back…!”

Artie quickly came around the corner and berated Lance for being 15 minutes late.  He reminded Lance that “this is why he couldn’t make the cut in grad school…” and that “… no woman would stick with him given his tardiness..”  Lance was demoralized.  All the things he had shared over spiced cider was coming back to haunt him publically.  He was powerless to respond, and saw no relief from the terror which returned to the office.

Lance was caught in what he saw as an impossible situation.  Without other support, he couldn’t imagine his next steps, let alone how to get to the end of the day.  Advice to all employees, don’t be afraid of self-advocacy in regard to office bullying, however be careful in your tactics.

1. Keep a diary with dates and clear examples of harassment and bullying.  Keep this diary, supporting emails about your performance and performance appraisals at home. Know however, employees don’t have a right to harbor proprietary information about the job.

2. Find out about the history of bullying in the office.  Had others complained? What was the result? Did HR support the target or the bully? This information will determine next steps.

3. Quietly look for another job.  Keep in mind that announcing a job hunt is actionable and can motivate an organization to terminate you.  Don’t trust anyone in a toxic environment about your own plans to leave.

4. If the evidence supports a complaint, take records to HR about specific instances of bullying.  Consider ways to couch the problem as a “what’s in it for them.” Show HR how the bully is hurting the organization, which is their main concern. Is the bully boss coercing staff to break the rules, overlook policy, or engage in other behavior that can hurt the organization?

5. If the bullying is occurring within a Title VII protected class (target is bullied because of race, gender, religion, pregnancy, genetic information etc) this can be an EEO charge where retaliation from the employer for reporting is against the law.

A few things to remember…

If the boss was a bully before the office party, he or she will continue after the office party once everyone sobers up.  Don’t let your guard down just because it is the holidays.  Further, don’t be afraid to learn your rights and strategize on how to advocate for yourself.  Studies show that people who maintain a spiritual grounding and locus of control for their futures can weather the storm of a bully.

To learn more about her upcoming book on workplace bullying, the costs of higher education and the solutions and recommendations to higher education leadership also revealed through this study, visit Dr. Leah Hollis and Patricia Berkly, LLC at www.diversitytrainingconsultants.com   Bully in the Ivory Tower  is available on Amazon.com.

Reflection on the Rutgers bullying case

Reflection on the Rutgers bullying case

Reflection on the Rutgers bullying case

By Dr. Leah Hollis, author of Unequal Opportunity: Fired without cause? Filing with the EEOC…

As a Rutgers alumna I was asked today “what do you think of the sentencing of Dhuran Ravi for the cyber bullying incident of Tyler Clementi?”    Ravi was originally facing up to 10 years in jail for a cyber bullying incident that led to Tyler Clementi  committing suicide.  Instead, Ravi faces 30 days in jail and a $10,000 fine. Was the sentence too light? Should the conviction be appealed?  Is the isolation faced by Ravi the last 20 months already sufficient?  Maybe some of the other questions we should ask, where do kids learn this behavior?  Who teachers civility?  How does this behavior continue to manifest as we supposedly grow up and into careers?

I had to pause. I am a 20 plus year veteran of student services, and worked in academic affairs and students affairs.  I have seen the best and worst of student behavior at some of the most elite campuses.  The antics of any dorm life can shame unwitting bystanders.  In this case however, a young man is dead, and the lives of the three students, (remember the hall mate Molly Wei who hosted the webcam) are irrevocably changed.  Therefore I initially say the obvious, no one is a winner.

Our society is chocked full of competitive and negative behaviors where decency is the least of concerns.  We learn competition and incivility from the school play yard when someone  was berated for being  weaker, smaller, younger or just different than the mainstream. Remember the days were students would race at the school bell to see who won the latest skirmish. The battle cry  FIGHT FIGHT?!? would bring a small troop of prepubescent spectators to witness the latest bullying battle. On a smaller scale, it was nothing for kids to punch, kick and push others, regardless of gender.   What we learned in kindergarten is often carried through our school years and college. Further, such behavior moves with us into middle age and our professional lives.  And consistent with the current behaviors regarding bullying,  people at one time or another tend to be on both the giving and receiving end of this behavior.

As the last few years of media coverage have confirmed that  bullying affects all age groups.  Youngsters in grade school and high school are facing bullying; as a result several states have anti bullying state wide policies.  New Jersey has one of the strictest anti bullying school policies in the nation.  On the heels of the Tyler Clementi tragedy, Tyler Clementi Higher Education Anti-Harassment Act of 2011 was introduced in Congress to protect university students from harassment and bullying.  . In the face of pervasive workplace bullying, 18 states have proposed healthy workplace bills to stem the insulting, intimidating and socially isolating behavior in the workplace which defines bullying.

The unfortunate behavior continues however every day at all levels as bullying pervades school yards, college campus and the workplace.  Peers bully peers;  and bosses bully staff.  The results come in health issues, social isolation, costly disengagement; and at all age group levels, suicide has been an last ditch option tragically sought by the target to escape the tyranny.  Over half of school aged children reported witnessing bullying in school.  This number is consistent with the workplace bullying reports.  School aged children, like adults, disengage from a toxic environment through sick days. One in ten students drop out of school because of bullying; this is synonymous with the 25% of adult bullying targets who leave organizations after enduring treatment from a bullying.  The trends are at all age levels as there is nothing new under the sun because many people will do just about anything to escape constant torment. Nonetheless, the behaviors and tragedies in youthful age groups also manifest in the workplace as well.

So in reflecting back on Dhuran Ravi and Tyler Clementi, their names will be inextricable tied as a college bullying tragedy where one young man lost his life that late night on the George Washington Bridge and another had his image paraded through the media nationally that he will spend close to a life time recovering from the stigma.  Both families are devastated, a young man is dead and a college community left shell shocked about the loss in its community so early in their careers.

Perhaps the questions should not revolve around the after math of a tragic case, but in consideration on how to model civility and decency from our youth. People only grow up to be bigger versions of themselves. Consequently, in all cases of bullying, regardless of age group, school yard or workplace, no one is a winner.

Dr. Leah Hollis, President of Patricia Berkly LLC is a diversity and healthy workplace trainer based in greater Philadelphia.  Her book Fired without Cause, Filing with the EEOC is available on Amazon.com.  Her second study on workplace bullying in higher education is in progress for summer 2012.  She has been a contributor to ERE.net, Payscale, and AOLJobs/Huffington Post. Visit her at www.diversitytrainingconsultants.com